Week ? - This Diet Of Mine Has Brought Me Out In Hives

Not that it is a diet. Everyone speaks of it as a diet, including myself, but that is not what I had in mind when I began this project. I was thinking more of a lifestyle challenge along the lines of Morgan Spurlock's "Supersize Me", 'cept not as poisonous or expensive. Perhaps something more ascetic, like Susan Maushart's "The Winter of Our Disconnect" 'cept without the whinging kids. OK with the whinging kids. You know what I mean. I suppose the fact that I'm losing weight quickly makes it a "diet" though I think that that has more to do with my previous patterns of consumption rather than my current way of eating. I believe that this regime will bring me to my "correct" weight, if there is such a thing.


But on to the hives. In this post's title I am, of course, making an exceedingly lame pun and am not breaking out in a rash.  My low blood sugar levels have prompted me to pursue something that has always seemed slightly esoteric to me for some reason - The white art of Bee Keeping. 


I have been spurred on to this simply by seeing other people, who appear to be quite normal  folk, and who I'm sure won't mind me saying, don't have any special training or skills or perhaps even intelligence; people without any pretensions as to their expertise, but who are, on the contrary, rather encouraging in respect to any ambitions your friendly scribe has  concerning the keeping of the bee. So thanks Jason, Hans and all the other friendly apiarists inhabiting the online environs. 


The hive that has taken my fancy is known as the Top Bar Hive, Specifically the Kenyan Top Bar Hive. I have bought a sheet of ply to make my hive as per some plans I have found. Shall I give you a step by step account of my efforts? O.K. Here I go then....


Before I start I should mention why I have chosen to build these fancy top bar hives instead of the good old fashioned Langstroth boxes, that I'm sure you are imagining when I mention the word beehive. These are used by professional bee keepers and are primarily about massive honey production. Someone labelled it "battery bee keeping". It is precisely because the top bar hives are in fact more simple, easier to harvest, are less prone to disease and have a far funkier name than the ol' Langstroth box that we chose to go with them. Langstroth - sounds like I should be fox hunting, not bee keeping. Anyway, to the manufacturing of the hives.

First, collect your tools and, glue and screws 

This is the upside down hive so far. The two side boards are resting on the followers (which can slide along inside the hive to adjust it's size) 

The hive the right way up now. Toby and all of the topbars lined up along the hive. Each of the bars has had a groove or kerf cut down the middle of them which is then filled with molten wax. This gives the bees  something to build their comb from.

"So where do the bees come from Dave? The Bee Shack? Apiarists 'R'Us? Super BMart? Pick some up in the drive thru of KFBees?" I hear you ask in your usual silly fashion.

"Well, no" is my reply. "A very generous friend named Jason (owner and chief apiarist down at Crazy Jas' House of Bees) gave me four bars of brood and honey comb, along with the attached bees of course from one of his Kenyan Top Bar hives." Brood comb is different to the honey comb in that the cells are filled with bee larva (kind of like little volcanoes) instead of honey. 

Some of the sharper pencils in the jar may be pondering the lack of a leader. As they are aware, a hive needs a queen bee to make further bee babies and so, thanks to the DPI we found a grumpy old bastard in Bray Park who would sell us a royal wench for the princely sum of $20. BIt of a bargain I reckon. She comes in a little cage which you wedge in between the combs. The cage is plugged at one end by something known as queen candy (It is begging for it but I will resist commenting on this in order to keep the whole thing G Rated) and over the few days it takes for the bees to consume this and free her she intoxicates her new minions with her irresistible pheromones (Maybe thats why Elizabeth II can still pull a crowd). When she is out and doin' it bee style with her drones, the hive is established and the rest is just a matter of population.

Though the gruff old coot assured us that we wouldn't have any luck establishing a hive "heading into winter" we ignored him. We were of the opinion that he was Langstroth man and could safely be told where to stick his smoker. Jason concurred with our headstrong insistence on getting the meadows buzzin' and so we assembled our hive anyway and put it in position. In summary: Bars, Bees, Brood, Bloody Big Box, Banana Patch.

The hive in situ down in the Banana Patch

We won't harvest any honey over winter as they like to have a bit put away for the cold. In spring we'll check to see if there is any loot. About 25% is a good amount to take per raid.

One of our first tenants. I called him Aldrin, after the astronaut.

I have a feeling I could write a lot more on this topic but I also feel I need my rest. I would like to talk about getting amongst the bees and how I plan to be so attuned to the vibe of the the thing that I will be able to check the hive without a veil or gloves - naked in fact. I'll post some photos.

I'm really sorry about the lack of posts lately. I'm on it! Just going to have to start burning the candle at both ends again.

Oh, check the scales!

Still declining but more slowly. I actually weigh less than this but had just had dinner and a few glass of lemongrass tea. I have decided to start supplementing my diet with brown rice when I reach 84 kgs. I will have lost a quarter of my original weight at that point - 28 kgs.

Till then, toodles.

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